Stress.....

....I am not handling it well these days.

I think with the kind of environment I grew up in, that when I got older i'd be able to deal with a good amount of stress, but able to filter what is important and what isn't.

I can't do it anymore. I dont know if it's because I can't be bothered, I dont have the physical energy to deal with it anymore or I really really just dont care. I just feel most of the time so very lost.

I can't change people. I wish I could. I wish I could sometimes let others see what I see, hear what I hear and then subsequently feel the way I feel. Sounds almost like a hitler like existance doesn't it? DO it, DO IT NOW!

lol

I dont really mean it that way tho. I just wish that people would remove the rose coloured glasses and be able to see what is right in front of them. Hell I wish I was able to do it most of the time.

I think I care too much, that's what it is. That parts of me, while i'd like to say dont give two shits what other people think, deep down, I really and truly do. That need to "belong" to the group and be accepted, i've never been able to fully grow out of. I wish I could most of the time, break away from the norm and just not care. There was a time in my life that I was able to do that. I was most happiest then. These days, I just dont feel happy.

And I know it's affecting me. I dont sleep much anymore, I haven' t had a restful sleep in months. And to make matters worse, I've become so addicted to sugar that I litearlly at times feel like it's a drug. The only thing that makes me feel better. Tho, I guess in the bigger picture, sugar is better than say drugs or alcohol....but really, is it? "Yes andrea, your liver is in tack but your stomach has a MASSIVE hole from the sugar you consume"...

yeah...might be time to walk away from the sugar......well...maybe....soon.....ok, yeah who am I kidding..I ain't putting it down JUST yet.....my mothers coming to town...

;-)