Wondering.....

I am lost in the world of WONDER tonight....sitting and staring at the computer screen....trying to come up with a witty starting line, something to capture the attention of others....so that people are like WOW she really has something to say.

I dont. I cant think of anything really witty to start with..im not feeling so witty today really. It's been an average day, another average day in my average life.

Others would disagree, saying my life is anything but average, more like a whirlwind of social events, drama enduced situations, endless amounts of fun..I suppose in some ways, others would think that, surface stuff is often quite visually attractive to those on the outside looking in I suppose. It is not always that way.

There are nights, like tonight, when things are going on around me and even tho im powerless to stop them, even though there is nothing I can do to change the pattern and course that some are on, im compelled to sit and fixate. I wish sometimes I had the power to change things that I know are unchangeable....to help those who desperately need it but are too scared to ask. I wish sometimes I could take pain away from one person who totally doesn't deserve it and flush it away as easy as it is to type that sentance.

I wish someone could explain to me why you meet certain people in life when you cant utilize all they have to give and all your willing to give them, and it's too late. Why didn't you meet them earlier, why didn't you find them quicker than you did. Some sort of cosmic joke I suppose in the bigger picture, but I get caught up in thoughts like that, on days like today, where my mind starts to wander into the abyss...when I should be concentrating on work but my mind wanders..

I start thinking as to why some people like to go around in circles, like to have the same fight over and over, like to relive every single detail of an argument from start to finish, knowing full well that the outcome will always be the same. Why is it that some just can't learn and move forward, that they would rather endlessly go around and around instead of solving the problem and moving forward. I just dont get that, seems so counter produtive to me, to go around and around instead of solving and moving forward.

I wonder sometimes why it is that I sit and wonder...about things I can't control........I suppose maybe it's just cause I have nothing better to do.....or rather, I have so much to do but im too overwhelmed to do it right now, so im sitting and wondering...

totally unproductive, I agree....but hey......I suppose everyone is allowed to sit and "wonder" sometimes.....